Made It

I made it
and find myself alone
how did i get this far
but so behind in love
i thought i had what i needed
to achieve
to push myself beyond limits
boundaries i had enclosed myself within
yet crickets from my family
silence from my friends
indifference from my girl
lonliness from my heart

if i were a wolf i would howl
to the moon, if Chicago wasnt so cloudy
is this a sign that my days here are up
“we can just go on like this
or say the word and we’ll call it quits”

my head on the pillow
my nose stuffy, from what i dont know
i cant feel sad because ive been numb
so long, so long, and long

tears roll down but they dont mean a thing
eyes puffy from allergies or emotions?
i beg to differ, some nights it just doesnt matter
when your time is up you will know
when the time is now you will know
when the time is ripe you will feel
when the time is right, you will…

Phoever

img_1019
“My Pho” from Green Apple Phoever (105 W. Madison Chicago, IL)

I’ve become dependent
on this new pho place
close to my job
where i am surrounded by people
who walk around with a sense of superiority
everyday i lower my head
extend my fingers
and type on
perhaps my wpm, quick as a vicious cat
can make these mousy people disappear
but when i raise my head again they are still there
let me just type on, drag it out till 1:45

clock strikes, 45
i grab my stuff faster than my wpm
avoid eye contact with anyone
dont ask me where im going
dont ask me what im eating
well, maybe i’ll tell you if you can win this race
see who can zooom out the building faster

mental and spiritual unwinding
in the basement of a governmental looking building
this little pho stand
waves at me
and im at peace
give me like
45 mins
white bowl white spoon
brown broth brown meat
green leaves green lime
noodles under bean sprouts
take me away from here
for 45 mins
open heavenly gates
and make me feel free
for 45 minutes

Im phoever grateful

Nothing

Going through the motion
Riding the waves, paddles in ocean
no star to guide no distance to tame
just circles and circles, endless and lame
like uncomfortable beds, but you still gotta sleep
rusty brakes, but the bike you still keep
Mindless rotation, process automation
no need to think, muscle memorization
just walking down the street with nothing in mind
while biking home, numbness creeps up from behind

A.F.

im at a lost for words
but im forcing myself to type
alphabets and letters combine
to remind myself how to write

i can handle this
even though i feel lost
i can handle this
even though i feel overwhelmed

the biggest difference to me
between age 25 and 26
now i try to pull my mind out of dark holes
i seek different ways to finish one puzzle

nothing is for certain
and truth is subjective
i feel numb. i feel like crap.
But. Perhaps that’s an alternative fact.