Element

Caught in a chasm
A steady tone now see a fissure
I thought I had them
down. patterns, emotions and behavior
A left hook from nowhere
left her spirit in despair
caught in a chasm
split, in between positions
speaking of positions
Im in a place of unknown
I made up my mind, decisions
when I started to walk
along a complicated situation
I just want her to be ok
Think I know her world, now upside down
I just want her to be ok
Might know her world, but where is that crown
she deserves, she is worth it
I just need her to know this
white light refracts through a prism
seven colors, optical element
A rainbow out of nothing
An ocean from imagination
Blue waves, and blue skies
breathe, you will be alright
I’m here for you
I can be your anchor
Please take good care
But if you need me
I’m here.

Eyes

Red goal, burning coals
heat snakes down, pipe for O
puff puff, smoke through lips
clouds breeze through
me and you
do it again
and you did, white against
smooth vibes, a low buzz
bass line tagged
along the carpet ground
smoke touched my face, icy soft
masked your eyes
so i searched for them
held my body still
waited
until the clouds cleared.

Those eyes, right there

Idk What To Do

Laying in bed, eyes closed
head swirling, thoughts exposed
bed warm, fan circles
eyes open, poetry flow
they dont like me
they dont get it
my jobs on the line
initial trajectory, bent
but if i can go to sleep
knowing i was true
honest, deep down to my roots
then to me, it was worth it
why i choose to
look like a boy
it is who i am
i cant explain
its almost like
my soul and my appearance
were meant to be
predestined
to be together
inside im soft
outside im hard
though if you get to know me
im not hard at all
and i like it
it is who i am
authenticity
will carry me far
im sure of that
and their ignorance
wont

Birthday

When you anticipate something bad happening, you walk yourself into bad situations. Things that are usually good become seemingly bad. Every year, something happens on my birthday. Since I was 18, I learned quickly that this was a pattern. A fight with my best friend. A break up. A typhoon that drowned and killed. Another typhoon. Miscommunication. Drama. Lost lives.

I don’t like telling people when my birthday is. Those who grew up with me always remember, and no matter how far we are apart and what drastically different time zones they always remember to wish me a happy day. 15 years of friendships. And counting.

My birthday scares me. Every year I try to play it cool. I’m afraid to get hurt. And that’s why I don’t like to celebrate it. But like I said, when you anticipate something bad happening, you walk yourself into bad situations. And I’m trying, to reverse this pattern.

Anxiety

I want to be lovers
I don’t want to be friends
When I am not supposed to feel
I get anxiety
I don’t dare to catch a glimpse
I am afraid to stand too close
I disconnected
from myself
from you
I act harsh
I don’t talk
what am I supposed to do
nobody knew how I was feeling
when it’s just me
and the sky above my swirling head
When there’s not another person who relate
When I can’t express
Why I’m just staring at my phone
I don’t even like being on my phone
scrolling endlessly, aimlessly
pointlessly tapping and texting
I enjoyed the party
talking, taking pictures, playing games
buzzed, high, hurt
my mental game
weak as hell I guess

Thoughts

my lunch break is short
but thoughts in my head, long
i made a decision a while ago
one for me to achieve, something i can work for
to love and be loved
to work and work hard
to play and enjoy
life, at its best and worst states
i live for the moment
but the future is near
i want harmony and stability
state of mind so smooth, peaceful clarity
reunion of families
friends and blood relatives
from hometown to new home
i foresee possibilities
no longer nostalgic
my feet carry me forward
along a winding trajectory
i breathe, battling anxiety
there is no regret
i do what i do
if one thing, though
Im so glad i met you.

Music

My whole heart is yours
nothing even matters
at all
you are the sweetest thing
when you lay in my bed
and hold me so gentle
like im a precious song
you’ll always know
herb lit, smoke rise
red tip, glow in the night
im at ease, singing to please
my queen
your eyes low
gaze slow
breathe easy
the night is yours
i want whatever you want
to do whatever you choose
we could be lovers
i dont want to be friends
you inch closer
our noses touch
pause, before our lips brush
up against each other
my teeth go for your bottom lip
a gentle bite, a tender surprise
what should we do tonight?
if i could rewind. buy back time
i would say
lets just stay in
chill, smoke
get drunk off of love
get high off of love
i thought those two lines were cliche
until i met you
now i know why people say
“i. love you.”