Anxiety

I want to be lovers
I don’t want to be friends
When I am not supposed to feel
I get anxiety
I don’t dare to catch a glimpse
I am afraid to stand too close
I disconnected
from myself
from you
I act harsh
I don’t talk
what am I supposed to do
nobody knew how I was feeling
when it’s just me
and the sky above my swirling head
When there’s not another person who relate
When I can’t express
Why I’m just staring at my phone
I don’t even like being on my phone
scrolling endlessly, aimlessly
pointlessly tapping and texting
I enjoyed the party
talking, taking pictures, playing games
buzzed, high, hurt
my mental game
weak as hell I guess

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