She Cooks

Affection is a big word
an expression
an idea
different depending on context
growing up my mom never said i love you
we dont hug
she used to, when i was a baby
at some point, i dont know who was the first one to stop
me. or her.
is this truely hard to believe
if you grew up different from how i did
yes
but if you didnt, you get it
one thing that remain constant
she cooks for me
and it has been that way
since before my brain was capable of forming memories
i rarely see her now
but when we meet
she cooks for me.
theres always a welcome meal
and one before a painful, but numb, goodbye
i didnt understand
when i was depressed
why all she could do was cook and clean for me
ask me, something, anything!
i didnt understand
i could not comprehend
why she didnt care
to ask
but i have become like my mother
showing love and affection
through cooking and cleaning
it took a while
for me to understand why i do the things i do
but self realization
is saving
enlightening
wisdom was passed down
through food
from my grandma to my mom
from my mom to me and my brother
now i understand why she always cooks
she couldnt relate to my pain
and didnt know how to express that
so she did what she knew how.
she spends all that money to come to the US
just so she can cook and clean for me and my brother
now i understand.
and i want to cook for her next time i see her.

Like My Mother

Im allowing myself to become
a wholesome self
discover my own passions
I lost that along the way
wrapped up in others
its time to let go
and live up
to my potential
Gems
I have not shared with the world much
I am not my mother
but sometimes I find myself
behaving so similar
giving up my life for another
I am endlessly loving
breath takingly caring
some take it for granted
only a selected few
learn to appreciate
and those are the ones
to keep around

Solo II

Solo
music
focus
joy
anguish
I came too far to back down
I came too far to be defeated
mind
heart
body
and spirit
fists
fingers
strides
toes
ready to run
and win
focus
breathe
zoom in
realize
grasp
actualize
and i’m there

Solo

Soft 5 o clock sunshine on my skin
tall weeds
all the while crickets sing
water gush
through reddish brown rocks
trying hard to be a waterfall
but good enough, for a small park
in the middle of a big city
nature, almost untamed
like how it is back home
the smell of grass
takes me back to
solo bike rides thru
fields and fields and fields

This poem is for you

This poem is for you
As you’re about to start first day of school
You say it’s bittersweet
At least what’s constant is this summer heat
for now, before fall hits
for now, before September slips
out of our hands
soon the leaves will start to dance
drift, from trees
float, down towards our feet
I want you to reach
I want you to succeed
I want your dreams to come true
I, truly, wants what is best for you
Trials and tribulations
Pain in your eyes, hurt in your motions
Numbness in your daze, tear marks on your face
I’m doing my best
All these questions I ask
I don’t mean to push you away
I wanted to find out if you’re okay
This struggle, is hard for me
but I’m not about to give up on you
I’m glad it’s first day of school
New routines in your life should be good
The sun keeps blazing
another hot day for me in the kitchen
I’m adjusting to this transition
while summer dreams dissipate into anticipation
for a drop in temperature, a breeze to pick up
sweaters out of the closet, pants unfolded, suit up
I’ve run out of words
but, good luck
first day of school
I look forward to hearing about it
I hope your kids bring warmth and smiles
I hope your day swings up not down
I’ve run out of words,
but, enjoy yourself
and take care of yourself
you’re precious
to a lot of people
myself included

Untitled

I understand the essence of commitment
At 25, people tell me, “You wouldn’t understand”.
I don’t know why, or how, I know
I know.
Maybe it’s because I’ve witnessed
suffering and survival
One can be strong
Two can be stronger
Three is tricky, but it can be done

I understand the essence of commitment
Love could be romantic
but it’s also about survival
For me it is, at least

I understand the essence of commitment
I also understand survival
They go hand in hand
They go head to head
It’s a mental, emotional, psychological battle

Commitment is not dependent on happiness
But happiness determines the outcome of this struggle

So tangible
Pain, joy
Wins, losses
I can touch these emotions floating in air
sometimes wispy, like smoke
loud, like laughter
wet, like tears