She Cooks

Affection is a big word
an expression
an idea
different depending on context
growing up my mom never said i love you
we dont hug
she used to, when i was a baby
at some point, i dont know who was the first one to stop
me. or her.
is this truely hard to believe
if you grew up different from how i did
yes
but if you didnt, you get it
one thing that remain constant
she cooks for me
and it has been that way
since before my brain was capable of forming memories
i rarely see her now
but when we meet
she cooks for me.
theres always a welcome meal
and one before a painful, but numb, goodbye
i didnt understand
when i was depressed
why all she could do was cook and clean for me
ask me, something, anything!
i didnt understand
i could not comprehend
why she didnt care
to ask
but i have become like my mother
showing love and affection
through cooking and cleaning
it took a while
for me to understand why i do the things i do
but self realization
is saving
enlightening
wisdom was passed down
through food
from my grandma to my mom
from my mom to me and my brother
now i understand why she always cooks
she couldnt relate to my pain
and didnt know how to express that
so she did what she knew how.
she spends all that money to come to the US
just so she can cook and clean for me and my brother
now i understand.
and i want to cook for her next time i see her.

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