Sizzle

My breath is coffee
and my tongue is anguished
my eyes are half-open
my mind already anxious

Oil sizzles and steam rises
the door to my kitchen is always open
but they spoke, said they’re not coming in
because earlier, I wasn’t there for them

my temporary joy, so carefully collected
vanished like smoothly blown vapor
from a round dinner table with hometown slang
to an adrenaline injection in the stem of my brain

vanished
kicked in
I have never felt anger
quite like that before

all logic out the door
all control…

Decimated last night
pieces of happiness and remembrance vanished
while my breath is still coffee
and my tongue still anguished.

I had the wind knocked out of me

I had the wind knocked out of me
I had a knife go through my sternum
I had five seconds to panic
Five seconds to process this conundrum

Pain was creeping up from my toes
it was crawling, biting at the same time too
when it reached my stomach
it then ate its way through

There was a gaping hole in my torso
I stood there, still like a scarecrow
while this hole bled
I used logic to cover up my ego

I did everything I could to say the most sensible response
I did everything I could to suppress impulsive thoughts
I did everything I could to hide how I felt
I did everything I could so I would not melt

And I still managed to say, “I love you”
as if that hole wasn’t there
I will never understand you completely
But as you can see from this hole, I’m trying.

Silent Anger

There is strength in anger
there is wisdom in silence
Silence anger,
is tenacity and power
that choice one makes
in plating this tremor
is a result of accumulation
experience, distilled to its finest
layer of preference.

I learned how to be angry
then I learned how to be silent
I learned to make a choice
and I learned to use my voice
while being silent.

From JLin

I take inspiration from Jeremy Lin. Maybe next time I will have the motivation to type up all of my thoughts about being an Asian baller, but this pretty much sums it up. For now, I choose to keep grinding. Maybe someday I can finally meet someone who can relate. Someone who can tell me “I know how you feel!” or someone who can validate my experience. Maybe JLin himself.

http://m.christianpost.com/news/jeremy-lin-christian-reveals-he-still-struggles-being-asian-in-nba-160373/

I Feel Like

its like a towel wrung dry
twisted so tight fibers stick out
a potatoe chip
cracked into pieces to small to taste
thud, thud
when a car rolls over a jagged pothole

what would you call
this feeling im trying to describe